


Pleasure With The Pain

by lannisterslioness



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, I'll add more tags later, Jyn Still Lives With Saw, Reluctant Soulmates at first, Slight Canon Divergence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:18:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannisterslioness/pseuds/lannisterslioness
Summary: Jyn Erso didn't want to find her soulmate - not in the middle of a war, not while she was fighting for her life every single day, it'd be less painful that way, or so she figured. Cassian Andor on the other hand thought of things differently - no matter how short of a life he may have lived fighting for the Rebellion, there was a part of him that still wanted that feeling of being whole, of having someone who'd perfectly understand him. The two were not expecting to find each other during the most critical time in the war, and they certainly did not expect each other.





	1. Raised to Fight

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I was given a prompt to write the soulmate AU where they see color after you find your soulmate...I tried and I just didn't really get into it? I don't know, it was really difficult for me to get into. But I did finally write a soulmate AU! I don't know if this counts, but this is the one where they have two different eye colors until they meet their soulmate, I hope you guys like it :3

Jyn has fought for as long as she could remember. 

 

She couldn’t think of a time where she didn’t have to run, or be afraid, or be on guard all the time. She inherited the life of a rebel from her parents, and the life Saw Gurrera raised her in. She pitied whoever her soulmate was, trying to go about their daily lives somewhere in the galaxy and constantly having to deal with the pain and injuries she was dealt. 

 

From time to time she would feel pain from injuries that weren’t hers, and it’d make her crack a smile instead of wince in pain. She liked to think of it as her soulmate’s way of retaliating, getting back at her for all the pain she’d put them through. 

 

Soulmates was a touchy subject for Jyn. Her parents had been soulmates: she saw the great happiness that they brought each other, and the great pain, but none greater than watching her father witness her mother’s death. It was like watching all life flee his eyes in an instant, and Jyn never wanted that pain. 

 

There was enough in her life that she had to deal besides the bond she shared with someone she’d never met, and whom she hopefully would never meet. Perhaps it wasn’t fair to whoever her soulmate was, but they deserved a better soulmate than her. 

 

There was a way out of it, or so some of Saw’s rebels claimed, whether they knew who their soulmates were or not. There was a pill that could terminate the bond, the rumor went; just take it and suffer through a few days of horrible fevers, vomiting, and bone-breaking pain and then you were free. 

 

The idea was you would no longer feel them, and they could no longer feel you; the damages of life would still appear on your skin, your eyes would still be the same (one eye being your natural eye color and the other supposedly your soulmate’s), but it would almost be like they weren’t there at all. 

 

Jyn had been given that pill, and she lied about taking it - she knew it would have been the right thing to do, it would have spared her and whoever was out there a world of pain, but there was some selfish though gnawing at the back of her mind telling her to keep the pain, that it would remind her to stay away. 

 

It was sometime in the middle of the night when a sharp pain seared Jyn’s hand, waking her from a dead slumber. She could barely see the fresh scar in the dark light of her room, a bright red line dragged across the palm of her hand, still so fresh it was sensitive to the touch. 

 

“Kriff, what are you doing?” Jyn mumbled to herself, lightly tracing her finger over the new scar and feeling something along the lines of relief. She couldn’t tell if it was her own or if she’d managed to calm the person on the other end of that scar - either way the pain eased. 

 

That relief, that one split second where Jyn let go of a breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding in,  _ that _ was why Jyn refused to cut out her soulmate: her own selfish little moments where with the pain also came pleasure, and those moments were something she desperately needed with the war growing worse. 

  
  


* * *

 

The ghost of a hand running over his scar was enough to sooth Cassian; a mission out on Sullust had gotten out of hand just a bit too quickly and left him with little time to react, giving a new scar to whomever his soulmate was. In this moment he had to himself, he allowed a small smile to cross his face before running his own fingers over the now stitched up wound. 

 

Cassian wanted to meet his soulmate someday, when the war was over and the galaxy was at peace. He’d find them somehow, even spend the rest of his life looking for them if he had to. He’d been alone for most of his life, and the war stole most everyone he had ever dared to care for. But a soulmate was a person that was meant to be  _ his _ , someone who would understand his pain and know him,  and so help him if it was an appealing thought for a Rebel spy who risked his life on a daily basis. 

 

“Captain Andor,” a harsh voice cut his thoughts off, and General Draven appeared at his elbow. “We have another mission for you.” 

 

“Already?” Cassian asked. He was used to being sent out on missions quickly before, but he’d just touched down on Yavin IV an hour ago, this by far the fastest reassignment. 

 

“It’s been a busy seventy-two hours.” Draven grumbled. His own ghosts gleamed in his eyes. “We need you to go to Jedha, we’ve gotten some information on one of Saw’s rebels - one of them is Galen Erso’s daughter.”

 

“What?” Cassian blanched. The name Galen Erso had been flying around the base for quite some time as the head engineer of this rumored super weapon. “Galen Erso had a daughter?” 

 

“We’ve known for a while,” Draven’s mouth twisted, “but we weren’t able to track her down until recently. Someone on Jedha knew who she was and one of our agents was able to get a hold of him.” He sighed. “We need someone to go down there to get to her without being killed. We have a lead on where her father is, if we can get her cooperation to lure him out, this war could be over before it even escalates any further.”

 

“You think I could get to her?” Cassian asked increduously. “She’s one of Saw’s, no one can get near them.” He knew what happened to rebels who tried to get in contact with Saw, and they had a habit of going insane at the hands of something called the ‘Bor Gullet’. 

 

“Out of all our operative, you’re the only one that can tackle this.” Drave explained. His respect did not translate to a soft heart. “You leave tomorrow.” 

 

“Yes sir.” Cassian sighed. He wasn’t particularly looking forward to losing his mind at the hands of some giant slimy creature.  

  
  


* * *

  
  


    Jyn didn’t like the Rebel Alliance, or rather, she was told by  _ Saw  _ to not like them; that they were cowards who didn’t know how to truly fight the Empire. She didn’t think they were cowards---anyone crazy enough to stand up to the Empire was brave in her book. But their fighting skills on the other hand...could use some more improvement. For Rebels, they didn’t throw great punches, or at least the ones she’d met couldn’t. 

 

They kept trying  get in contact with Saw to get him to team up with them against the Empire again, and Jyn would take them to him, but only on the condition if they could beat her in combat, and so far they never had and Saw trusted her judgment more than anyone else in his group. 

 

She’d taken up waiting at her usual spot, a less than friendly cantina where brawls were a common thing. The Rebels would come to her, or more likely, they would stick out like a sore thumb in the the usual crowd. Jyn didn’t have to wait long. After a few of quiet days, another Rebel walked through the door of the cantina, eyes searching the room. 

 

“At least they sent a nice looking one this time.” Jyn muttered to herself, finishing off her drink and hopping off of her barstool to head towards the Rebel’s direction, a tall man with a rather unimpressed look on his face as he scanned the room. “Looking for something?” She asked as soon as she reached him. 

 

Two different colored eyes were far from a strange sight to Jyn, everyone who hadn’t met their soulmate had the same condition, but it was the fact that one of his eyes seemed to suspiciously match her hazel green eye. Jyn pushed that observation aside and tried to ignore whatever tingling feeling she had growing in her stomach. Now was not the time for her soulmate to be getting nervous about something; she needed to fight. 

“Jyn Erso,” he stated ---Jyn’s heart nearly stopped beating. 

 

“Jyn Erso? Yeah, I think I know her.” Jyn said. He was a Rebel beyond a doubt, but what would the Rebels want with her other than the fact of that she was practically Saw’s daughter? “I’ll take you right to her.” 

 

“Really?” He questioned in disbelief, something familiar crossed his gaze, and Jyn felt... _ hopeful _ ? What was her soulmate up to out there in the galaxy? 

 

“Yeah.” Jyn assured him. “You beat me in a fight, I’ll lead you right to her.” She figured the usual arrangement would be enough to protect herself. If it worked for Saw, it would work for her. “Simple as that.”

 

“That’s it then? I beat you in a fight and you’ll lead me right to Jyn Erso?” 

 

“Only if you promise to stop saying that name out loud.” Jyn groused. “You’re not the only one who’d like to find her, and I’m not usually quite this friendly. Is it a deal or not?” Jyn asked. She felt on edge for some reason now, though she couldn’t tell if that was her soulmate or herself in the moment.   

 

“Yeah, it’s a deal.” He replied finally, he held out his hand to shake, but Jyn made an effort not to give out contact so lightly, after all, with such eyes as he had there that nagging thought at the back of her mind warning her that it just might be possible that her soulmate was here --- not that she wanted to listen to that voice. 

 

Jyn turned on her heel and felt disappointment course through her; that nagging in the back of her mind only grew louder and she wondered if he thought of her being his soulmate too. 

 

_ Kriff, of all the people in the galaxy, why did they send him?  _ Jyn thought to herself as she led him through the cantina, headed towards the back door where “business” was usually handled. 

 

A tall gruff-looking creature resembling a Wookie guarded the back door, it looking down and Jyn and started growling, or howling, Jyn could never tell which. She didn’t understand what it said, though they did have one common language: money. She shoved him a couple credits and he stepped aside, letting Jyn throw the door open and lead the rebel out into a back alley closed off to the streets. It served as a gathering of criminals and general low lives that clung to the dingy walls like lechin, muttering in dozens of tongues. Just her type.

 

“Ah, Tanith, welcome back, what brings you here today?” An older man with more scars than skin asked her as she walked past. 

“Another Rebel,” she replied. They didn't need to know the details, just that a deal was a deal and this was a good place to settle them. 

 

“The usual, then,” he chuckled. “Go ahead, they've been waiting for entertainment all day.” The man gestured to the center of the alley. “Everyone, put your bets in now, Tanith has found another Rebel to kick into the sand!” 

 

Between the eruptions of laughter and people shambling to their feet to place their bets as Jyn lead her rebel to the center,  the sound was deafening. The others gathered around in a circle to watch the fight. 

 

“So, what's your name? I like to know the names of those I’m about to defeat.” Jyn smirked.

 

“Cassian.” He stated. Jyn could tell he wasn't lying, she could have been able to tell that without the feeling that coursed through her, but it did help. “You?”

 

“Tanith.” She lied smoothly, hopefully he wouldn't be able to tell as she could. “By the way, sorry about this,” she sighed, knowing that if anything, this would be the moment that told her what she needed to know. 

 

Cassian looked at her curiously before Jyn dealt him a sucker punch blow to the gut, and as he doubled over in pain, Jyn fell to her knees, too. 

 

“Looks like Tanith found her lover boy!” Someone heckled from the crowd, laughing.

 

“Kriff.” Jyn hissed through her gritted teeth, struggling to get back to her feet and wishing that for once she didn't hit so hard. 

 

Both managed to climb back to their feet, and while Jyn thought Cassian would stop upon the realization, he didn't. Instead he grabbed her by the wrist in and pinned her up on a wall, while people scurried out of the way to avoid him. The rough concrete of the building scraping against her face,  and when she heard him hiss in pain it only confirmed her suspicion. 

 

“Is that really a way to treat a lady?” Jyn asked playfully, trying to ignore the pain while she worked out her next move. “Especially your soulmate of all people?” She leaned into him ever so slightly, her free hand in just the right place as she reached under the hem of his shirt to touch his bare skin and felt that painful surge of soulmates finally meeting that she'd heard so much about strike her. 

 

When the pain hit him, she took her chance and broke free of his grasp, trying to handle the pain. It was like her brain was being scorched and she hated every second of it, no one ever told her just how painful the first touch really was, the touch that finally corrected your eyes since you'd met your soulmate. Cassian took the opportunity again and this time pinned Jyn to the ground, his knee applying gentle pressure to her abdomen to keep her pinned. 

 

“Fine, you know what, I don't really feel like fighting.” Jyn sighed. “I'll take you to Jyn Erso.” 

 

“Thank you.” Cassian grunted before climbing off of her, out of breath and still clearly in pain. “Thank you, Tanith.” 

 

“Yeah, sure, don't mention it.” Jyn grumbled, getting herself back to her feet. “Come on.” She held her hand out to him to help him up. 

 

He took it gratefully, and this time when they touched it was pleasant, like something Jyn didn't want to let go of, and judging by how close he'd moved to her, neither did he. 

  
    “She’ll, uh, she’s waiting for me out in the market, come on.” Jyn tried to distract herself from the need she now had to lean forward and kiss him. There was still a lot she needed to explain to him either way, she figured lying to your soulmate as soon as you meet them wasn't going to leave the best impression, but if they were truly meant for each other, hopefully he'd understand. 


	2. Confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Since so many people seemed to really like the first chapter of this fic, it was certainly fuel to get me back to writing it! Hopefully you guys will like this chapter, it sort of goes deeper into the bond Jyn & Cassian are now sharing and just how strong it can be, more exciting stuff will probably be in the next chapter! <3

    Jyn had spent most of the time of her guiding Cassian through the city to think up how to tell him that  _ she _ was Jyn Erso, she hoped that he wasn’t sent to kill her, that would only make things more than a bit awkward between them. They were just about to exit the city, she figured she’d tell him when they were away from everyone and everything, not to mention away from easy access to weapons, but it seemed Cassian had other plans. He grabbed her wrist and tugged be into one of the alley ways away from prying eyes, pressed her up against the wall, and Jyn could feel his agitation seeping through their bond. 

 

    “What are you hiding?” He asked with a hiss, his eyes searching hers, looking for the lie that she now had to confess to, it was so much easier to hide things from him when he wasn’t in her life. 

 

    “Look, let’s just get out of the city and I’ll tell you.” Jyn sighed, pushing him off of her and peaking out of the alley, making sure no one was watching them. 

 

    “No, you tell me here, I know you’re hiding something, I can feel it.” Cassian insisted, and with where his hand was on his hip, Jyn knew he had a blaster on him, he’d hidden it pretty well too. 

 

    “Kriff, alright, look.” Jyn looked him right in the eyes so he could know she was telling him the truth. “My name isn’t Tanith, it’s Jyn. I’m Jyn Erso.” 

 

    “You’re Jyn?” Cassian asked, disbelief written on his face even though Jyn knew he could tell she wasn’t lying. 

 

    “Surprise.” Jyn mumbled. “Look, I don’t know who you are or why you came here looking for me, but if it’s to kill me then good luck, you’re in for a lifetime of pain now if you do that.” 

 

    Right now the only thing potentially protecting her was the fact of that she was his soulmate, if he killed her he’d be nothing more than the shell of a man, like what her father had turned into when her mother died. She tried to gauge his reaction, how he would react now, but she felt nothing from him, and for a moment she was worried, until his hand fell away from his blaster, then she was able to finally let out a sigh of relief. 

 

    “I didn’t come here to kill you.” Cassian finally spoke after their tension filled silence. “I came here to find you, because you know Saw Gerrera. There’s really no use in lying to you, so, I’m with the Rebellion. They heard that your father sent Saw Gerrera a message, and that you could lead us to him. There are rumors that he knows about the weapon the Empire has built.” 

 

    “He sent a message to me.” Jyn replied, she was putting her guard up, she didn’t want him to feel the pain that she felt whenever anyone talked about her father. He didn’t need to know that she had a weakness like that, soulmate or not, no one needed to know that. “It wasn’t anything useful, I’ll take you to see it if you want.” 

 

    “Anything would be useful at this point.” Cassian sighed. 

 

    “Alright, but do us both a favor, when we go to Saw’s try to keep your head down, I don’t need people knowing who you are. If anyone asks, you're just an old friend of mine.” Jyn explained. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    Getting into the place wasn’t that bad, yes, they’d given Jyn some gruff for bringing a stranger back with her, but she managed to convince them that he was mostly harmless - Cassian being able to hide his blaster only making things easier. Saw was kept busy with some captive that they’d taken in the city, someone who supposedly knew something important about the Empire and quite frankly, it was none of Jyn’s concern at the moment. All she was focused on was getting Cassian to her room, where no one would be watching their every move and would probably dismiss him as nothing more than just someone to keep her bed warm at the moment. 

 

    Once the door closed behind her to her room, Jyn let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, letting her muscles relax, and Cassian clearly feeling her relief as he seemed to relax finally as well. Jyn started tossing some of her things aside, peeling off a few layers before finally getting to her tunic, Cassian following suit. It was eerie, Jyn thought, that they were in sync already - two people who had just met, supposedly bound to spend the rest of their lives together, and somehow after knowing each other for about an hour, they were in sync with one another. 

 

    “What?” Cassian asked, Jyn realizing that she’d probably stared at him for far too long. 

 

    “Nothing, it’s just...weird.” Jyn mumbled, shaking her head and trying to focus on finding where she his the damned holo. 

 

    “What do you mean?” Cassian asked, this time curiosity clear in his tone, and for that Jyn was relieved that he couldn’t pick up on the almost angry part of her she was trying to bury deep within herself about meeting her soulmate. 

 

    “I never really thought I’d meet you.” Jyn tried to cover it up, she knew soulmates were naturally drawn towards one another, that their whole lives led up to the one moment where they’d meet and then never to be parted again. “Honestly, I thought I’d die before I met you.” 

 

    “I can tell, you certainly like to fight enough. I’ve got the scars from you still to prove it.” Cassian smirked, unconsciously running his hand over the newer scar on the palm of his left hand, the same one Jyn cut a few days ago and they now both had the scar for. 

 

    “Yeah, sorry about those.” Jyn dismissed it casually. “But you know, for a Rebel, you don’t get hurt all that often. It sort of makes me wonder if you’re really a Rebel at all.” 

 

    “I’m a spy for the Rebellion. I do the things that no one else wants to do, if I don’t blend in and do my job well I won’t get hurt, I’ll get killed.” Cassian explained. 

 

    “You must be a pretty good spy then, you’ve lived this long.” Jyn replied, digging through her drawers until she finally found the chip. “Here.” She tossed it to him, he was barely paying attention to it, looking around her room, and still managed to catch it. “You can plug it in over there.”

 

    Cassian did so silently, the holo humming to life, and just before Galen could even start speaking in the video, Cassian stopped it. 

 

    “It's encrypted.” He announced. 

 

    “What?” Jyn asked, looking over at the holo now curiously. 

 

    “Right at the beginning, there's a little glitch when he comes up, there's a message underneath this one, I've seen it before.” Cassian stated. “I'll need to get this back to Kay on the ship.” 

 

    “I'm sorry, who's Kay?” Jyn asked, she was sure she never heard him mention the name yet. 

 

    “He's my droid.” Cassian mumbled. “He's waiting back on my ship on the other side of the city, he was there in case things went wrong; and something tells me your friends out there won't believe I'm harmless if I have my reprogrammed Imperial droid fly the ship over here.” 

 

    “No, not likely.” Jyn said with a sigh. “We can't head back out that way either, curfew in the city will start soon, they'll have a close eye on everything around it too. Not to mention everyone else that's out there at night, your droid is safer right where he is until tomorrow, and so are we.” 

 

     For a moment, Jyn could see a glimpse of Cassian trying to think up a solution, but failing to do so, he grumbled a bit before grabbing a communicator out of his bag. 

 

    “Kay, are you there?” Cassian called out. 

 

    A moment passed before the communicator responded with a little static before a voice came through. 

 

    “Yes, I'm here. Did you find her? It's getting quite boring in this ship.” The droid like voice replied, through Jyn noticed the droids tone was almost human like, it had personality almost, a definite indicator of a reprogrammed droid. 

 

    “I did, but I'm stuck on the other side of the city for the night, with the curfew going up and the people here, it'd be best if you stayed there for the night.” Cassian replied. 

 

    “Wonderful.” The droid replied dryly. “I'll go into low power mode then, there's nothing better to do.” 

 

    “I'll call you in the morning.” Cassian said before cutting it off, shoving the device back in his bag. 

 

    “Personality on that one.” Jyn remarked. 

 

    “He says whatever comes to his circuits.” Cassian shrugged. “Where do you want me to stay?”

 

    “Here is best, if I kick you out there, they'll kick you out of the place.” Jyn remarked, a part of her almost wincing at the thought of him leaving her side now. 

 

    “Alright.” Cassian nodded. 

 

    “I'm gonna go to the fresher, I'll be back.” Jyn grabbed some of her things before making her way for the door, hoping a few minutes of distance would make it easier for her to push the thought of being away from him aside. 

 

    Right as she reached the door, she felt his hand take her free one and stop her in her tracks, relief washing over her though she didn't want it. It only reinforced the reality to her that she met her soulmate, he was here, and he was the only person in the galaxy who truly understood how she felt without having to say a word. Her one allowance of selfishness had of course backfired on her now, she didn't want to ever meet him and now there was no turning back - he held so much influence over her now that it was unbearable, the thought of that one person could make her feel so safe with just a touch made her feel weak at the thought of letting go. But Jyn did pull away, a jolt of sudden loss coursing through her before she rushed out the door and put a good amount of distance between her and Cassian, almost afraid to go back to her room after all was said and done. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    When Jyn returned, Cassian was sitting on her bed cleaning his blaster, snapping it all back together once Jyn started heading towards him. He put the blaster aside on the other table across the room, sitting back down on the bed and fidgeting a bit; Jyn could feel something like nervousness coming from him. 

 

    “We should get some rest, it's a long trek out to the other side of Jedha city.” Jyn said. 

 

    “Yeah.” Cassian nodded, though he didn't move an inch, his nerves spiking and Jyn feeling a little nervous herself now. 

 

    It was just sleeping beside someone in the same bed, but somehow it seemed terrifying. She'd been intimately close with someone once a few years ago and it wasn't the best, but it was something. From what she could remember, Cassian had been far more adventurous in his encounters with others, sometimes making it more than difficult for her to sleep or focus on her missions; he shouldn't have been nervous to just share a bed with her, but she supposed things were different - she wasn't a random stranger, she was his  _ soulmate _ . 

 

    Jyn got in bed first, getting under the covers before scooting aside a bit, hoping Cassian would join. When he didn't, Jyn reached over and grabbed his hand, all of their nerves washing away and Cassian finally relenting and getting under the covers himself after kicking his boots aside. Their hands finally parted once he was comfortable, but Jyn couldn't resist the urge to seek out contact with his skin again, her hands reaching out for his arms before he pulled her close to his chest and held her there, giving her a light kiss to the top of her head. 

  
    It didn't take long for Jyn to fall asleep, completely comfortable for the first time in her life, listening to Cassian’s strong and steady heartbeat, their arms around one another and their legs intertwined. It was the best sleep Jyn had gotten in years, and somehow she could tell the same went for Cassian. 


	3. The Reality Of It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm blown away by how many of you guys really love this fic, I mean look at all the comments this thing has with just two chapters posted, it's crazy! But I am really glad that you guys love it, I've never done a soulmate au fic before so getting to explore it with these two is pretty awesome. I've got something else (I know, I'm adding more to my list) in the works for these two with other fics, but I'm glad that you guys have chosen to read this one, I hope you like the new chapter! :3 P.S. It's angsty.

    Good sleep was always hard to come by for Jyn for almost all her life, always on edge and ready to run at a moment's notice, but last night had been different. She felt safe in her slumber for the first time since she was a child, she could feel Cassian’s presence while she slept, how safe and warm he was, it was a comfort she couldn’t really put into words. Jyn stretched slightly as she woke up, Cassian’s grip around her waist tightening ever so slightly as she moved though she knew he wasn’t yet awake. She couldn’t help but run her hands through his hair just a bit before trying to bury her face into his chest again, finding the warm and comfortable spot she had found last night. Jyn was...happy, she didn’t have a real reason to be happy exactly, but there was a slight smile on her lips and a warmth unlike any other coursing through her veins; for a moment she couldn’t help but think that maybe soulmates weren’t as bad as she had portrayed them to be. 

 

     Cassian finally stirred beneath her, taking in a deep breath as he woke up before Jyn could feel some of his muscles stretch as he tried to move around slightly. Jyn looked up at him, that smile on her lips still no matter how much she wanted to fight it, and a smile was playing on Cassian’s lips as well. She scooted up a bit more in bed, hovering just inches away from his face now, and Cassian didn’t even hesitate to close the distance between them, his lips warm and inviting while he kept the kiss slow and steady. Jyn climbed on top of him without a second thought, her hands tangling in his hair and his neck, desperate to get some contact with his skin while his hand went under her shirt slightly just to touch her lower back. It was on instinct that she grinded her hips just so slightly down against him and his moan was enough to make Jyn part from him, pushing herself away from him and moving to the other side of the bed. What had she been doing? What was she thinking? Cassian was still a stranger by all counts, soulmate or not, she didn’t go around kissing strangers. 

 

    He seemed to register the exact same thing after she pushed herself off of him, staring at her wide eyed and confused of his own actions as he propped himself up on his elbows. Jyn pulled her knees up to her chest, she wanted to be as far away from his as she possibly could in that moment, but there was still a part of her brain telling her that she wanted to touch his skin and wanted his hands on her again - that she  _ needed _ those things. 

 

    “Kriffing hell.” Jyn mumbled under her breath. 

 

    “It’s just the bond.” Cassian tried to explain it logically, both to him and herself, as he fully sat up in the bed, slowly rising up to his feet while Jyn felt a jolt of pain rush up her back that made her yelp. “Sorry.” He quickly responded, turning to face her and having to hold himself back from reaching out to cup her face and see if she was alright. “Sorry.” He mumbled this time. 

 

    “What the hell did you do to your back? I don’t remember that one.” Jyn winced a bit as she stretched, still feeling the lingering pain from when Cassian first rose to his feet. 

 

    “It was when I was sixteen, got blown back in an explosion, ended up landing on a boulder and it fractured my spine.” Cassian sighed. “Happens almost every morning.” 

 

    “Never felt it before.” Jyn replied. 

 

    “That can happen, after soulmates meet sometimes they can feel things from the other they couldn’t feel before.” Cassian stated. 

 

    “You seem to know a lot about this stuff.” Jyn sighed as she crawled out of bed herself finally, feeling both better and worse with some distance between them. 

 

    “I had a lot of free time to read about it when I was younger.” Cassian mumbled as a sensation of embarrassment crawled up her spine, signaling that Cassian didn’t wish to talk about it anymore. 

 

    “We should get going, it’s a long way out to your droid.” Jyn changed the subject, feeling Cassian’s relief as she did so. “We have to go through the city, too many Stormtroopers are surrounding the outskirts right around the city, too many questions will be asked. If we go now we should get there by the afternoon, you can take that message of my father’s a go about your merry way.” 

 

    “What?” Cassian asked, looking at her curiously. 

 

    “I’m giving you the message, go decrypt it and do whatever you want with it, I don’t want any part of it.” Jyn grabbed some clothes out of the small dresser she had in the room and searched around for her boots on the floor. 

 

    “You’re not coming with me?” Cassian questioned. 

 

    “You think I’m going to go flying off into who knows where with you? I just met you.” Jyn insisted. 

 

    “We’re soulmates.” Cassian stated as if it were the most obvious answer to their problem. 

 

    “I met you yesterday after we gave each other some new bruises, and you were sent here on some mission by the Resistance to do god knows what when you found me? What was it? Kill me in my sleep? Torture me for information on my father that I haven’t seen in over ten years?” Jyn asked, she was lashing out and she knew it, she could see Cassian recoil slightly as she took a step forward, feeling the full force of her boiling sudden anger. “Look, I’m sorry that we’re soulmates, I truly am, you certainly deserve to have someone that actually buys into all of this kriffing garbage-” 

 

    “It’s real, you know it,  _ you felt it _ , same as I did.” Cassian insisted. 

 

    Jyn wasn’t quite sure what to call it, what she felt shoot through her in that moment as he lashed out at her. It was something that she could only identify as a desperate attempt to reach out, to make her see what he saw and feel what he felt. It was true that she couldn’t deny all of this, she knew it, but she knew that she could try to save herself from this mess still and all the possible heartbreak that came with it; they were fighting in a war after all, death would eventually come for one of them all too early. 

 

    “...Let’s just get you back to ship.” Jyn sighed. 

 

    “I’m not leaving you behind here-” 

 

    “Can we talk about this later?” Jyn snapped. “We have a droid to find and a city to get through without raising any red flags.” 

 

    The silence that hung between them after she spoke was almost deafening now, she couldn’t feel much on anything through their bond except for a brief twinge of sadness before it was pushed away and turned into something numb. 

 

    “Yeah...sure.” Cassian nodded. “Get dressed, we should go.” 

  
  


* * *

  
  


    The pilot. He needed the pilot before he left. 

 

    Between everything that had happened with Jyn, Cassian had nearly forgotten that he needed the pilot who delivered Galen Erso’s message to verify to the Rebellion that he had in fact brought that message directly from Galen himself. It had been a few days since the Rebellion had gotten their hands on the information, Cassian just hoped that the pilot was still around, though knowing Saw Gerrera’s rebels, he was more than likely dead or worse. 

 

    “Where’s the pilot?” Cassian asked Jyn as she led them through the compound, occasional glances cast their way but nothing out of the ordinary. 

 

    “What pilot?” Jyn asked, refusing to turn back and look at him, keeping them moving and weaving through the crowds. 

 

    “The one who brought your fathers message, the defector.” Cassian clarified. “I need to bring him back with me.” 

 

    “Good luck with that, Saw had him talk to Bor Gullet.” Jyn sighed. 

 

    “Is he still alive?” Cassian asked. 

 

    “Sort of, if you want to call it alive. People who talk to Bor Gullet tend to lose their minds.” Jyn stated. 

 

    “Look, insane or not, I need to bring him back with me.” Cassian grabbed ahold of Jyn’s arm to make her pause, her body going stiff as he did so. 

 

    “Fine.” Jyn snapped, pulling her arm from his grasp and Cassian trying to mask the twinge of pain it shot through him as she did so; the bond he longed for since he was a child and learned about soulmates was suddenly something that he wished didn’t exist for just that moment, soulmates were supposed to bring joy, not pain. “He’s this way.” 

 

    She led them carefully though the compound again, heading up towards the exit and stopping by what appeared to be makeshift prison cells. Jyn checked in three of them before she found the one she was looking for, entering in a code and the doors shooting open. Cassian peaked in and saw a man in an Imperial pilot uniform, knees pulled to his chest and mumbling something that he couldn’t exactly hear; he supposed that Jyn was right about classifying him as sort of alive, he looked it in that moment. 

 

    “Hey, you, come on.” Jyn grabbed at the pilot’s arm and yanked him up to his feet, the scared look never leaving the pilot’s eyes. “It’s your lucky day, this guy needs to bring you to the Rebellion.” 

 

    “Rebellion?” The pilot questioned, looking between Jyn and Cassian, his mind still seeming to be somewhere else entirely. 

 

    “The Rebellion wants you to stand in front of the Senate and explain why Galen sent you with the message he did.” Cassian explained. 

 

    “I’m the pilot.” He mumbled in reply. 

 

    “Yeah, you are.” Jyn replied. “Now come on, we’ve got to go.” 

 

    The pilot nodded briefly, shuffling out of the prison cell after Jyn, Cassian wasn’t sure this pilot would even be able to stand in front of Mon Mothma and the Senate, but he had to try. 

 

    “Keep an eye on him, you wanted to bring him, he’s your problem.” Jyn dismissed. 

  
    Cassian wanted to say something, he wanted to lash out, ask her why she had to be like this, that it wasn’t his fault that the galaxy fated them to be together and now they were stuck with one another. All he ever wanted after losing everyone he ever knew when he was a child was someone to call his own, someone who would never leave him which was why he clung to the hope of finding his soulmate one day, and in turn what he got was Jyn Erso who was proving to be more infuriating than anything else. He was far from the perfect person for someone to be saddled with themselves for the rest of their live, but Cassian wanted to at least try, Jyn seemed intent on keeping her distance. If that was what she wanted, he’d give her that, it would be difficult and probably the most painful thing in the world, but if it made her happy - since that somehow still mattered to him despite wanting to cut her off as she was doing to him - then he would endure it. It wasn’t like he planned on living very long either way, getting to have a happy family and living a life beyond the war, if he was lucky he’d die soon and Jyn would be free of the bond that seemed to inconvenience her so much already. 


	4. Irresistible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: and another chapter is finally done! i have a lot of fun writing this soulmate fic, especially with making jyn and cassian continue to bicker with one another :P but things should be slightly smoother sailing in the near future, at least for a little bit since bodhi, chirrut, and baze are going to set these two straight! hope you guys enjoy this little update, all love for this is greatly appreciated <3

            Jyn had thought up a hundred different ways to get Cassian to leave without her by the time they entered the Holy City, she _could_ do it, however actually doing it would be a whole other matter. Every time she thought up a way to get him to leave, a visceral pain would shoot through her just at the mere thought; what made it stranger was that Cassian didn’t seem to feel it. She’d given up on it for the time being, but by the time they reached his ship, she had to go through with one of them – she wasn’t going to completely alter her life for the sake of a soulmate; she almost wished she’d killed the bond now when she had the chance.

 

            Jyn stopped short at the sight of a holo. “ _Shit_.”

 

            “What is it?” Cassian asked, suddenly closer than Jyn remembered him being moments ago.

 

            “Look.” She pointed out.

 

            The holo in questioned was illuminated with the face of their pilot, Bodhi Rook. The Empire was looking for him, not that it surprised Jyn in the least, but to see them have holos up for him already, she knew then that her father must have hidden something incredibly important in his message.

 

            Cassian grabbed Bodhi by the arm and dragged him into an ally way, the pilot still dazed and confused from Bor Gullet. He did the same for Jyn, though he pinned her up against the wall and kept them positioned in front of Bodhi.

 

            “What are you doing?” she hissed.

 

            Her entire nervous system was practically singing at the slightest contact with his skin, his hands holding hers and his body pressed up against her.

 

            “Creating a distraction.” He whispered in her ear before his lips crashed down on hers.

 

            Her first reaction was to push him off, to get him away from her as quickly as possible, but that thought only lasted a second before she melted into his kiss. It was a mixture or something calming and something exciting, sending butterflies straight to her stomach as she reciprocated the kiss. Jyn heard the thud of Stormtrooper boots stomping past them, and as soon as they were gone, Cassian pulled away though the tug at Jyn’s heart wanted him to do anything but. They lingered in each other’s space for a moment, his breath mingling with hers and neither wanting to let go.

 

            “Soulmates.” Bodhi spoke up. “Y-you two are soulmates.”

 

            The two parted then and there, Jyn’s skin practically burning at the lack of his touch. Bodhi’s eyes seemed slightly less clouded over now, he seemed to be snapping out of whatever Bor Gullet had put him through, she heard that being thrust into action sometimes helped the effects wear off faster if they weren’t too far gone; being hunted by Stormtroopers seemed to do the trick.

 

            “Unfortunately.” Jyn mumbled in reply.

 

            Cassian glared at her, anger and hurt muddled together in his deep brown eyes and Jyn had to fight an apology back tooth and nail. He shook his head and looked away, putting even more distance between them, and while it hurt, Jyn knew it had to be done.

 

            Bodhi looked at them confused. “What are you doing?” he directed his question towards Jyn.

 

            “What do you mean?” she asked.

 

            “Y-you…you two shouldn’t…never mind.” Bodhi shook his head. “I’ll talk when we’re out of here.”

 

            “Yes, can we please focus on getting out of here.” She huffed.

 

            Cassian looked as if he wanted to speak, she felt some anger bubbling up in her that wasn’t her own. _Good,_ she thought, _get angry with me, leave me like everyone else does, it’s easier that way_.

 

            He reached out and grabbed her hand, Jyn almost wanting to sigh in relief though she knew she shouldn’t. “I’m not leaving you.”

 

            “How- “

 

            “You two are new to this, huh?” Bodhi asked, causing both Jyn and Cassian to look at him. “It’s…it’s part of the bond.” He added meekly. “It takes a couple days for everything to kick in past the feeling thing, your entire body and mind connect to one another.”

 

            “You have a soulmate?” Jyn asked curiously now, Bodhi seemed to know far more about the topic than she ever did, and now that she looked at him, his eyes were actually matched…

 

            “Had.” Bodhi corrected.

 

            Before Jyn could pry any further, the thud of Stormtrooper boots grew closer again, they had to get out of here and fast.

 

            “Let’s go.” Cassian commanded.

 

            They followed his lead without question, and he never let go of Jyn’s hand for a second.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

            Cassian knew there were few places they could truly blend in to be invisible to the Stormtroopers gaze. One of those few places, which was thankfully close by, was with the remaining Guardians of the old temple. The troopers paid them no mind, they weren’t worth the attention in their eyes despite destroying their home. He’d hoped they could just weave through them, they were all too preoccupied with trying to lure in other travelers after all, instead, one of them managed to capture Jyn’s attention much to Cassian’s dismay.

 

            “You, girl, with the kyber necklace.” One called out, a blind man sitting on the steps of the ruined temple.

 

            Jyn came to a halt, holding Cassian in place to stop as well and Bodhi following suit. Why would she stop, she wasn’t wearing a kyber necklace, was she? Had he really been that unobservant to look over something like that?

 

            “How did you know that?” Jyn replied, reaching to clutch for a leather strap around her neck.

 

            “Come here.” The blind man called again.

 

            “Jyn, they’re just a bunch of cons, we have to go.” Cassian insisted.

 

            Jyn turned to Cassian, and for the first time he saw a flash of something vulnerable in her eyes. “He knows I have this.” She pulled the kyber crystal out from under her shirt and held it up to him. “No one knows I have this except for Saw, it was my mothers, he knows something.”

 

            “He could have just guessed.” Cassian tried to dismiss it, hoping it would cause her to turn away, not for the sake of the mission, but to make that vulnerable look disappear, she looked so weak like that, and something told Cassian that Jyn didn’t let just anyone see her weaknesses.

 

            “No.” She insisted, letting go of his hand and walking up to the blind man.

 

            “Jyn!” Cassian shouted, jogging to catch up with her and Bodhi following suit like a lost puppy.

 

            Jyn took her stance in front of the blind man, Cassian made note of the man in the background under the arch not too far away, keeping an eye on them with a weapon at the ready if they tried anything. She looked stronger again, more assertive as she always tended to look, seeing this put Cassian as some sort of ease, she was Jyn again.

 

            “How did you know I was wearing this?” Jyn asked.

 

            “The Force works in mysterious ways.” The man insisted with a grin, if this was a con, Cassian wasn’t sure what they were hoping to get out of this; kyber was rare, yes, but if this man was truly a Guardian, he wouldn’t try anything to get it from Jyn, if anything he’d just bless her necklace or something of the like. “And you were sitting ducks out there.”

 

            “What?” Cassian asked, confused and looking around for any threats that he might have missed.

 

            “The troopers have been more active today, looking for some pilot. You three are afraid, more so than anyone else in the city, I suspect one of you is the pilot they are searching for.” The man went on to explain, surely, he must have had the Force to guess this.

 

            “Maybe.” Bodhi spoke, causing a grin to spread across the blind man’s face.

 

            “Well, if one of you _are_ in fact the pilot in question, Baze will lead you to the tunnels of the old temple, the troopers never discovered them, they’ll get you out of the city undetected.” He replied as the man from back in the archway approached them now.

 

            _“Halt!”_ The modified voice of a Stormtrooper called out, sending chills up Cassian’s spine.

 

            “Chirrut, we’re going.” Baze ordered the blind man. “You three, come on.”

 

            As soon as blaster shots started heading their way, Cassian pushed Bodhi ahead and grabbed ahold of Jyn’s hand, running for their lives and hoping to escape the troopers without leading them right to the ship.

 

            “You’re okay.” Cassian couldn’t help but reassure Jyn as soon as they were down in the tunnels, he could feel her fear coursing through him, mingling with his own. “You’re okay.” He promised again.

 

            When he felt a flutter in his chest, he knew Jyn understood, and despite all the anger she managed to cause him this morning, he couldn’t truly stay mad at her, not with a powerful bond like this keeping them together.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

            They arrived at the ship without much more trouble and as soon as they got within a few feet of the ship, the doors hissed and dropped open, revealing a tall Imperial droid that had Jyn reaching for her blaster on instinct.

 

            “No, no, no.” Cassian reached for her other hand and kept it in place hovering just above her blaster. “It’s okay, that’s Kaytoo, I reprogrammed him.”

 

            Jyn let out a sigh and let her muscles relax as Cassian let go of her other hand while keeping ahold of the other still. “It’d be nice to have a bit of a warning for something like that.”

 

            “Who’s she?” Kaytoo finally spoke, making Jyn feel like an intruder.

 

            “She’s my soulmate, Kay.” Cassian explained.

 

            The droid stayed frozen for a moment, Jyn almost wondering if his circuits locked up. “ _The woman who almost killed me is your soulmate?_ ” his voice sounded higher now, almost human.

 

            “To be fair, I wasn’t warned.” Jyn countered.

 

            “Lovely, your cosmic mate likes to shoot first and ask questions later.” Kaytoo snipped.

 

            “Hey!” Jyn shouted, anger taking a hold of her now but Cassian keeping his hold on her to keep her in place.

 

            “Enough!” Cassian shouted, breaking up the bickering.

 

            Before he could continue any further, the sounds of gunfire and explosions filled the air, and Jyn turned to look back at the Holy City, the source of the commotion.

 

            “That must be the attack, I have to go help them.” Jyn tugged at Cassian’s hand to try and pull free, she was supposed to be there fighting with them.

 

            “That’s not your fight.” Cassian insisted.

 

            “It is.” Jyn replied firmly.

 

            “Who are they?” Kaytoo asked, pointing to Chirrut, Baze, and Bodhi.

 

            “In a minute.” Cassian sighed, pulling Jyn to his chest and wrapping his arms around her, holding her close.

 

            She wanted to fight back, she should have, but his damned touch held a power over her that she felt powerless to fight against, and he knew it.

 

            Jyn looked up at him, her eyes slightly watered, she wasn’t entirely sure why she was upset, her emotions had been too all over the place the past day for her to make sense of much anymore. “I’m supposed to be fighting with them.”

 

            “That’s a war zone, I’m not letting you go in there.” Cassian’s voice was low, resonating with something in her that put her at ease. “It’s dangerous for you, remember?”

 

            Sometimes Jyn forgot her circumstance, that the Empire would more than love to get their hands on her, to use her to torture her father.

 

            “Come on, let’s go.” Cassian said.

 

            This morning she was fighting him on it, there was a part of her that still wanted to fight him on it, but there was the logical side of her screaming out that he was right, that following him to wherever the Rebellion was, is far safer than Jedha, despite leaving Saw behind.

 

            “Are we taking everyone with us then?” Kaytoo questioned.

 

            Cassian kept Jyn close but turned to Chirrut and Baze, Jyn couldn’t help but notice their closeness as well, how Baze hovered so close to Chirrut and kept his hand on his shoulder.

 

            “If you two would like to come, you can, we can take you somewhere else if you want, I don’t think Jedha is a safe place anymore.” Cassian offered, for a rebel spy, Jyn saw much kindness in him – he had a good heart despite his line of work.

 

            “We’ll go.” Baze answered before Chirrut could. “We can’t stay here, we’ve known it for a while, the tension was growing too thick.”

 

            “Alright, we all need to go now before that Star Destroyer above the city starts sending in TIE’s.” Cassian ordered.

 

            For the first time since they met, Jyn followed his command without protest, she couldn’t argue something that felt right and logical to her.


	5. Protective Nature

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: so, so sorry that this chapter took forever, pretty much that my writing has taken forever really. i've been going through a lot of stress lately, not to mention getting ready to travel and school, things kinda add up over time. it's especially been hard because i haven't been able to really focus on writing other than when it's been my homework to force myself to focus on it. but, i wanted to write something and update one of these fics, it's been too long. <3

            Jyn didn’t usually care for hovering and overprotective instincts from others; she wasn’t raised that way, not to mention it made her feel like a child. But this was something different coming from Cassian as he stayed by her side in the med bay. It was a routine checkup of sorts for soulmates specifically, Cassian having already undergone the poking and prodding himself. Another needle caused Jyn to wince and Cassian to jump, resting a hand on her shoulder.

 

            “Sorry about that, but that was the last test, you’re free to go.” The medic said, a kind smile on her face before she left.

 

            “I hate needles.” Jyn mumbled after she left, pulling her sleeve back down to cover up the marks.

 

            “Sorry, it’s standard.” Cassian replied, rubbing small circles into her shoulder for comfort.

 

            Under normal circumstances, Jyn would have brushed him off, but now, Jyn reached over and took ahold of his hand, enjoying the comfort.

 

            “Why do they do that anyway? The tests?” Jyn questioned.

 

            “Just to see if there’s anything to watch for, sometimes one soulmate can show signs of a sickness before the other.” Cassian explained.

 

            “Anything I should worry about from you?” Jyn asked, cracking a smile for the first time since arriving here.

 

            “No, you’re alright.” He replied, unable to hide the smile he cracked in return.

 

            Jyn looked up at him, the smile still faintly on her lips; for a brief moment, she was able to let her get lost in some of the bliss the bond provided. She was able to fool herself that this wasn’t happening in the middle of a war and she could allow herself to fall so easily into the comfort and love from this bond. But now she was here, the most stable place she had been in a long time, and she couldn’t help but feel something special between them again.

 

            “Captain.” Someone interrupted, a man lingering in the doorway with a stern look on his face.  

 

            “Uh, I’ll be right back, Jyn.” Cassian said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head without much thought.

 

            “Okay.” Jyn replied, giving a brief nod.

 

            She liked the way he kept her close, kissed her when he didn’t think twice about it, as if they knew each other for years rather than days. It was nice, she thought, to feel so loved despite all her attempts to push him away, to have someone stick around so relentlessly. Jyn made a choice then and there, it wasn’t a rational one really, and it certainly wasn’t one she would have made a week ago, but this was now; things had changed and the reality was that they _were_ in the middle of a war zone, a dangerous time for soulmates, and Jyn wanted to act on something before it was too late.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

            He didn’t think it would be so difficult to have a soulmate, to know where they were and that they were safe – that they couldn’t possibly be hurt or taken away if they were so close by. Yet, Cassian found it hard to focus on what the General was trying to talk to him about; he kept worrying about where Jyn was, if she had wandered off somewhere she wasn’t supposed to.

 

            “Captain, are you listening?” General Draven’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

 

            “Of course, sir, you were talking about Galen Erso.” Cassian replied, he’d learned how to pick out important pieces of information, that was his job after all, but he’d perfected the skill with Draven who mostly droned on about insignificant details – a bad habit for having been a former field intelligence officer himself.

 

            “Has your droid made any progress with the holo for that girl of yours?” Draven asked, he didn’t believe in soulmates, or at least he claimed that, along with the fact of that he hadn’t felt anything from them since he was a young boy.

 

            “He found something in the code of it labeled ‘stardust’, Kay thinks it might be a message for _Jyn_.” Cassian said, making sure that he got Draven to remember her name, she wasn’t just _some girl_ like he said.

 

            “Report to me as soon as you get something more, go get some rest, you look like hell.” Draven replied dryly, turning on the heel of his boots before walking off, attending to whatever other matters he had going on within the base.

 

            Cassian hated to admit that Draven was at least right about something, he was exhausted, the whole mission to Jedha had taken more out of him than he anticipated. Then again, he wasn’t exactly prepared for everything that unfolded in the two days he was there. All he knew was he needed to find Jyn first of all, and second, he needed to lay down while he had the chance, as soon as Kay got the message decrypted, they would be up and on a mission again.

 

            Much to Cassian’s surprise, he found Jyn easily, she was still in the med bay, reading through something, more than likely some information that one of the medics had given her about the whole soulmate ordeal. She stopped as soon as she spotted him, getting up to her feet and looking like she was ready to leap back into action.

 

            “So, what happened?” She asked curiously.

 

            “With Draven? Nothing, it was just a debrief really. We can’t do anything until Kay finishes going through the encrypted files on that holo your father sent you.” Cassian explained. “I’m going to go lie down for a while, try to get some sleep while I can before something else comes up.”

 

            “I’ll go with you.” Jyn readily volunteered.

 

            Cassian hesitated, and when Jyn noticed this as well, she couldn’t help but smile up at him.

 

            “What? It’s not like you’ll sleep either way without me there, you couldn’t even catch some sleep on the ride back here because I was in the back talking to everyone.” Jyn replied, he almost hoped she wouldn’t have noticed that, but who was he kidding, it was impossible to hide anything from a soulmate once they were found.

 

            “Alright.” Cassian agreed. “Come on, let’s go get some rest while we can.”

 

            “Sure.” Jyn nodded.

 

            She laced her fingers with his and held his hand as he led her through the base to find his quarters. He could feel this rush of adrenaline going through Jyn, she was planning something, and from the few thoughts he was able to pick up on from her and the way she leaned up against him, letting more and more of their skin come into contact – Cassian knew _exactly_ what she was planning to do once they made it to his room, and he couldn’t help but to feel the rush then as well.


	6. The Draw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: wowie, look who finally finished another chapter of this fic after a month. ugh, i hate that it took me so long, especially since i know a ton of people read this fic and love it and i'm so sorry it took so long, but take this new chapter as an apology for being terrible. as always, i hope you guys like it <3 
> 
> p.s. it's semi-smutty, not like full blown, but enough.

Nothing compares to a soulmate, or so Jyn had heard from the few people she knew of that had their soulmates. No kiss, no touch, no amount of sex you’ve had before finding your soulmate will ever compare to the intensity that’s shared when you find them. But there was a lingering worry in the back of her mind; she’d only had sex once just to try it, Cassian had ventured into this intimacy a couple of time and knew what he was doing, at least from what Jyn could tell on her end.

 

The doors to Cassian’s quarters closed behind them, and without missing a beat, Cassian’s lips crashed down around hers, scooping her up and pinning her against the wall. It took Jyn a moment to finally kiss back and wrap her legs around his waist to get some extra support. He wasn’t wasting any time with this, knowing exactly what she wanted and unafraid to take control to take the worry away from her. Jyn let herself relax, despite still wanting to worry about what the hell she was supposed to do in situations like this, the more Cassian kissed her, the less she worried. 

 

His hands started to skim up her waist, pinning her just a bit closer to the wall to help keep her up and steady. She felt his calloused hands meet the smooth skin of her abdomen, trying to commit the feeling of the friction to her memory for how good it felt. 

 

“I’ve got you,” Cassian mumbled in-between kisses, “I’ve got you.” 

 

“I know.” Jyn replied with a smile. 

 

For the first time, she  _ knew _ that someone meant what they said, she knew Cassian wasn’t going to leave - she’d been the one trying to leave before, but now, things were different. She had a reason to stay, no matter how foolish it might seem, how reckless it was to find your soulmate in the middle of a war; what mattered now was that she had found him, against all odds, he was here, and he wasn’t going to let anyone take him away from her, not even Jyn herself. 

 

He pulled back from her for a moment, catching his breath while he placed light kisses against her neck. Jyn tangled her hands in his hair and couldn’t help but love the feeling, she just didn’t want the contact with him to ever end. All too soon, Cassian pulled away again, only this time it was to push up her shirt slightly, his eyes locked on her all the while until Jyn made the move to get her shirt off completely. Cassian paused at this, his eyes scanning over every inch of her, taking in the sight of her almost bare before him. 

 

Jyn took the moment for her chance to try and even the two of them out, her nimble fingers working to unbutton the few top buttons on Cassian’s shirt, giving her more skin to kiss. When her hands touched the newly exposed skin on him, he seemed to snap back to the reality of the situation. 

 

“You get easily distracted.” Jyn smirked. 

 

“Well, you’re distracting.” Cassian countered. 

 

“Hopefully not distracting enough to make you forget what we’re trying to do here.” Jyn said, bringing herself forward in his embrace, her soft lips pressing light kiss after kiss to his neck. 

 

“WIth those thoughts racing through your head, I don’t think you’d let me forget.” Cassian gave a slight laugh, Jyn smiled against his skin. 

 

Cassian took control of the moment again, pressing Jyn back against the wall slightly and letting her help him get his shirt off. This time it was Jyn’s turn to stop and stare, her fingers running over all the scars she knew too well, all the painful ones she’d felt and had marking her own body, and all the ones that hadn’t been deep enough to reach her but she’d felt them all the same. Seeing those scars only made things all the more real; this wasn’t some sick trick or illusion,  _ he was hers _ . 

 

Jyn let her lips crash down against his as if she needed him in order to breathe, and in that moment, she felt as if she did needed him like that. Cassian’s grip around her waist tightened, and keeping the kiss between them going, he slowly started to try and guide them from the wall and to his bed. He only broke the kiss at the last moment to set her down against the sheets before his lips found hers again while he climbed on top of her, her fingers already slipping under the waistband of his pants and seeking more. 

 

“You’re so impatient.” Cassian laughed when he broke their kiss, reaching down for the button on her pants instead. 

 

“I just know what I want.” Jyn replied, her fingers undoing his pants in turn, though Cassian managed to get hers off first. 

 

Cassian let her get his pants off next, leaving the both of them only in their underwear, their minds racing with other thoughts, mainly of ones that consisted of kissing every inch of bare skin they saw now before them. Jyn wrapped her arms around Cassian’s neck, pulling herself up just a bit off the bed, enough for Cassian’s hands to snake behind her back and unhook her bra, the both of them wanting nothing more other than to be able to touch as much bare skin as they could on one another. It didn’t take long for Cassian to go for her underwear next before Jyn tugged at his boxers; there was nothing gentle or ceremonious about the moment between them now, they  _ needed _ each other, it was a desire they couldn’t contain and something they didn’t want to control. 

 

Everything past that was rough, they knew exactly what they wanted from one another, their bond hiding nothing and making it only that much easier to start eliciting moans from one another by kissing all the right places. Jyn, however, wanted all of the control in this moment, wrapping her legs around his waist and using everything she had to flip them over, Cassian below her now and staring up at her in something like awe, though she was too busy trying to get him to moan to truly notice. It was like a sensory overload for her, she knew Cassian felt the same way, but then again Jyn often heard that the first time for soulmates wasn’t the time to explore what felt good and how their bodies reacted to one another - it was a time for hunger and desire to take over and get exactly what they wanted from one another, there was no use in fighting it. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


The two were tangled in sheets at the end of it all, hair messed up and sticking to their faces from the sweat, lips swollen, and chests heaving in attempts to get some air into their lungs. Cassian was sure he’d never felt that way with anyone ever before, and he didn’t know what exactly prompted Jyn to want to jump into this, but he didn’t care in that moment. He knew the first time with soulmates was supposed to be more like a frenzy, a release of emotions that had been pent up from years of being apart until they could find each other in that one moment and let everything go. He didn’t think it would be like trying to catch your breath while in the middle of a sandstorm, trying to find any and every opening to breath while the rest of him was caught up in seeking out a pleasure he couldn’t even ever try to define or explain. It was just Jyn, it was all he saw and felt, and it was the best moment of his entire life, even now just laying with her with this newfound closeness between them was the most satisfying moment of his life. 

 

He didn’t know what to say to her now that they were just there, he wasn’t even sure he could fully form words at the moment, but he took the small smile she offered up to him as something positive and good, and was more than content with that. Cassian pulled her closer for a moment, pressing a kiss lightly to her forehead before untangling himself briefly, rolling onto his side to face her. Jyn rested a hand on the side of his face, trying to push back some of the hair from his face. 

 

“You got the brown eyes.” Jyn mumbled. 

 

“What?” Cassian asked. 

 

“You got the brown eyes out of the two of us,” Jyn repeated, “I always thought I would have ended up with them.” 

 

“I was hoping I’d get them, the green eye looked a little weird with me.” Cassian smirked. 

 

“It wasn’t so bad,” Jyn said, “I liked it on you.” 

 

“Well, I think the green eyes suit you better.” Cassian said, leaning in to press another kiss to her forehead. 

  
The touches and contact was slightly dulled now, everything no longer having to be so pent up, but he still felt those sparks dancing across his skin whenever a new part of him met a new part of her. He knew that intensity would return the moment they spent even just a few minutes apart and untangled from one another, but right now he’d enjoy this moment where everything was perfectly sated. If only this simple moment between them could last forever. 


End file.
